So, you want to know how to become Instagram famous? Well you’ve come to the right place, because after
twenty minutes thousands of hours of very intense research and studying the Instagram explore page, we’ve finally cracked the formula to being Instafamous.
It’s super complex, but luckily for you we’ve broken it down into 7 easy-to-follow steps to help you get on the path to resort sponsorships, getting free dresses in the mail and finally being able to call yourself an influencer.
Let us give a full disclaimer – becoming Instafamous isn’t a walk in the park. It involves telling all your followers how hard you actually work, using hashtags like #couplegoals, and making sure you respond to every comment you get with love heart emojis.
It’s literally a full-time job. Think you can handle it?
I’m Ready to be Instagram Famous!
If you think you’re up for the challenge, you’ll be rewarded with a big number next to your name on an app and the ability to tell your grandkids that once upon a time, you too were a Kardashian – famous for not really doing anything of substance.
Without further ado, here is our revolutionary and very detailed guide on how to become Instagram famous.
Step 1 – Be a Young, Good-Looking Couple
We have bad news for you – if you’re not young, tall and skinny, you’ll never be Instagram famous. If you just look like an average human being, or have a bit of a beer gut, it’s time to give up the dream of being Instafamous and perhaps consider starting a travel blog instead.
But if you do happen to have abs like a washing board, long blonde hair and a golden tan you’re half way there. Now you just need to find a partner who is equally as beautiful (and doesn’t mind flaunting their body as much as you do, ideally with very little clothes on).
Congratulations! You’ve been blessed with the first attributes required to be famous on Instagram, without actually having to do anything other than being born with good genes and signing up for a CrossFit gym. It’s time for the next step to becoming Instafamous.
Note: If you don’t find someone who is as
conceited gorgeous as you, never fear, there’s still a chance to become Instagram famous. You just need to post lots of photos of yourself holding puppies in your swimwear.
Step 2 – Move to Bali
Ahh yes, Bali. The place that Instagram invented purely for travel couples to move to, eat Buddha bowls and sign up to overpriced co-working spaces.
The fact of the matter is you just can’t be Instafamous if you don’t live in Bali. It’s statistically impossible. I mean, how can you expect to get all those likes and comments if you’re not posting a photo of your $20 floating breakfast every other day?
Once you’ve quit your 6-figure job in public relations you need to get a one-way ticket to Bali so that you can get a head start on your new Instagram career.
Rent a private villa with a pool in Canngu (or possibly Ubud, but only so you can tell everybody how you connect more with the spirituality there), spend your days sharing photos of your laptop on Instagram Stories so that your followers know that you’re actually ‘working’, then at sunset get out and start shooting!
At first it’ll be hard because you’ll have to battle with the other hundreds of Instagram couples taking photos at waterfalls, on swings hanging from palm trees and in the rice fields (did you know that the Balinese actually built those rice paddies purely for Instagrammers?), but eventually you’ll end up with the same 10 shots, but with different poses and angles so that you can flood your Instagram feed for months.
Step 3 – Look in Love!
You’ve successfully moved to Bali with your sexy AF partner and are now ready for the third step in becoming Instagram famous – letting the entire world know that you are in love!
It’s time to start getting those fabulous shots that other couples who are stuck working 9-5 only wish they could have on their social media. The trick is to be constantly in each other’s embrace, or be reaching out for your partner’s hand, or be gazing lovingly across your floating breakfast at each other.
It’ll take a lot of practice, and in the early days you’ll probably have to learn to use a tripod because you can’t afford a full-time photographer to follow you around, but stick with it, because #couplegoals.
The whole point is to make every other couple in the world feel inferior to you. I mean, if they’re not as good looking as you are and can’t nail those same 5 modelling poses every shot, they may as well get a divorce, right? What are they even doing on Instagram anyway? Oh yea, following you, because you’re Instafamous.
Step 4 – Make Some Presets That are Almost Exactly the Same as Everybody Else’s
Ok, you have your collection of Gram-worthy pics that you’re ready to publish to the world, but there’s just one issue – they look kinda…lame.
Never fear! Luckily Lightroom presets are here to save the day.
The first thing you need to do is buy some presets off of another Instagram couple. They’ll give your pics that dreamy effect at a click of a button, which will make your feed completely lit.
Now tweak them ever so slightly. Just enough so that you can call them your own. Save them, and only EVER use those presets, no matter what. You’re stuck with them forever now. That’s your brand, no point trying something new.
You’re not done yet though! You can’t just go throwing up whatever photo you want willy nilly. Are you insane? No, you have to carefully curate your grid, planning at least 18 photos in advance so you know what order to upload and keep that grid looking mint. One wrong upload, and you’re back to that office job.
Step 5 – Write Captions That Are ‘Inspiring’
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
“The stars shine brighter when I am with you.”
Ahh, I’m getting all the feels just reading those lovey dovey captions! ALL. DEM. FEELS.
The next step is to learn how to write captions that give the perception that your love for each other is stronger and more authentic than just about anybody else on the planet. Because it is.
But you don’t want to alienate your followers either, because without them you won’t get any dress sponsors, so make sure you finish every caption with how if you can do this, anybody can, because you bravely escaped your old middle-class life in a first world country after putting your two investment properties on AirBnB.
Don’t forget to occasionally mention that every now and then you argue with your soul mate, because you’re just a normal couple too, but then you quickly make up because life is too short to hold grudges and your love for each other is bigger than the universe. Aww, why can’t every relationship be so amazing? Insert love heart emoji.
Step 6 – Only Travel to Instagrammable Places
By now you should have at least 50’000 followers (if you don’t, go buy more floating breakfasts, yo!), and it’s time to take the biggest step of your new career and start venturing outside of Bali.
But where to go? Hmmm….
The next secret to being Instafamous is to only travel to countries that have guaranteed Instagram-worthy locations. I’m talking waterfalls in the Philippines. Hot air balloons in Cappadocia. Morocco and its sand dunes and blue-painted city Ch..Chahs…Chawoof, ahh whatever it’s called, doesn’t matter, just make sure you pack a yellow dress.
Take a quick trip to India to see the Taj Mahal as well. Guaranteed likes there.
Holy crap, you see that? You’ve just cracked 100’000 followers! Congratulations, you’re Instafamous! Happy days, let’s do a little dance (make sure you document it on Insta Stories though and say how you wouldn’t be where you are today without your loving family/tribe of anonymous followers on an app).
But you’re not finished yet. It’s time to cement yourself in the Instagram Couple Hall of Fame. It’s time to head to the Maldives!
Wait, what? Isn’t the Maldives expensive?? I know what you’re saying – you can’t afford it. But never fear, valued member of my Insta Tribe. You’ll get it sponsored by some resort who desperately wants to show off how Instagrammable their place is.
If you’re really lucky you might even get invited to that place in Africa where the giraffes lean through the window and try to steal your breakfast. Thank God someone else is paying though, cause that breakfast ain’t cheap. Gramtastic.
Once you’ve done your circumnavigation of the globe, being careful to never step foot in a country that won’t give you an abundance of online engagement, you can head back to Bali and start to plan the exact same trip over and over again.
Step 7 – Sell Your Presets and Call Yourself an Entrepreneur
By now you’ve come across a harsh truth – Instagram doesn’t actually pay you any money for posting to their app every single day. In fact, they don’t give a shit about you.
And all those flights you just bought cost more money than you’re willing to admit, even though you pretended airlines were sponsoring you every step of the way. And while free dresses are nice, they don’t pay the Buddha bowl bills or co-working space membership.
So how the hell do you use your new Instafame to get rich now?
Remember those presets you made a couple of months ago? Start selling them like crazy! Mention them in every single post and Insta Story you publish. Hell even make up a new account and hashtag for them. Because nothing screams originality and creativity quite like getting the masses to make their pictures look exactly the same as yours.
Now that you have literally (not literally) thousands of dollars rolling in to supplement your AirBnB income, it’s time to start calling yourself a public figure or an entrepreneur, because that’s a buzzword, and everybody wants to be a buzzword.
Congratulations, sexy travel couple – you are now officially Instafamous!
Ready for the Future
Who knows what the future holds? Probably a short-lived YouTube channel (until you realise that making videos is hard and time-consuming, and requires you to actually be able to string a sentence together), then you’ll get married, have a kid, and try to copy the Bucket List Family.
Eventually Instagram will be replaced with the next big social media platform (whatever happened to MySpace and Vine anyway?), but you’ll be too much in denial to act on it in time. Soon you’ll become obsolete, but it doesn’t matter, because you’ll always be able to say you were once famous on the Interwebz for being young and good looking, and doing the exact same thing every other Instagram couple does.
And if all else fails, and you run out of ideas, you can always become a travel blogger…
If you enjoyed our guide on how to become Instagram famous, make sure you swing by our own Instagram account and give us a follow! We kinda suck at it though, and we don’t heed our own advice, so you probably won’t see us posing in bikinis or taking pictures of floating breakfasts. Oh and we don’t live in Bali. Sorry.
This article is meant to be a joke, and is in no way a personal attack on any particular person, couple or Instagrammer. If you’re triggered by this, don’t take life so seriously…